Have you ever found yourself going round and round about a situation only to find yourself getting more worked up and less clear?
If so, we’re in this together.
I’ve written before that I’m in a season of life with a lot of moving pieces. We sold our house, put our possessions in storage, and are living in a rental while we finish building our new place. And that’s only one part of what has felt uncertain for us over the past year.
As someone who moved frequently growing up, certainty and stability are things I cherish. That’s not my life right now. It hasn’t been for a while. And it won’t be any time soon.
When faced with uncertainty, my tendency is to plan for the worst-case scenario. Makes sense, right? My reasoning brain knows that the worst case is unlikely to happen, so if I mentally prepare for it, I should be able to relax into the uncertainty knowing I’m ready.
I used to think that was productive planning.
But it didn’t make me feel any better. I was still anxious and worried. My appreciation for all the good things happening in my life felt diminished. Then I would judge myself for not simply feeling happy.
Maybe this resonates with you. Or maybe you know someone who gets caught in a similar pattern: trying to think their way out of uncertainty only to end up feeling worse.
I suspect this is especially common among leaders and high performers. We often confuse preparation with control.
What I eventually realized was that what I thought was productive planning was often anxious rumination.
Planning is useful when it leads to action. Rumination is different. It keeps me mentally rehearsing scenarios without actually moving me anywhere.
Here’s an image that helped clarify this for me:
It’s from a program called The Anxiety Algorithm Program and helped me understand how worst-case-scenario planning can sometimes backfire. Not always. There are times when anticipating risks and preparing for them is important. But for me, there are also times when it becomes something entirely different.
What to do instead? It’s still a work in progress.
What I’m trying right now is recognizing when I’ve slipped into anxious rumination and asking myself:
"What do I need right now to be at peace with the uncertainty?"
More often than not, the answer isn’t to think harder.
Usually it’s something grounding: movement, connection, creating something, being outside, or focusing my attention on something that fuels me physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
That often interrupts the hamster wheel and gets me out of my head.
What are your go-to strategies if you ever find yourself repeatedly brooding over something?